The part nobody says out loud
You are not short on information. You have a hundred small moments: the phone turned face down, the two hours he cannot account for, the story that changed the third time you heard it. What you are short on is permission to take them seriously.
So you do what most women do. You explain each one away on its own, because on its own each one is nothing. A dead battery. A bad mood. A friend you have never met. Separately they are excuses. Together they are a shape.
And every time you ask about the shape, the conversation turns into a conversation about you. Whether you trust him. Whether you are jealous. Whether you are okay. You leave those talks having learned nothing about him and a lot about how tired you are.
This tool does one thing. It puts the moments in one place, side by side, and shows you the shape.
Straight about what this is
What it is
- A structured checklist of 39 behaviors, grouped into 7 areas, built from patterns that show up again and again in deceptive and controlling relationships.
- A score of what you have observed and reported. Nothing else.
- A written record you can come back to next month, when the same feeling returns and the details have blurred.
- Something you can read alone, at your own pace, and never show anyone.
What it is not
- Not a lie detector, and not proof of anything.
- Not a diagnosis of him. It does not identify anyone, and it does not claim to know his private life, his history, or his sexuality.
- Not therapy, and not a substitute for it.
- Not an instruction to leave, stay, confront, or forgive. That decision was always going to be yours.
This is an educational reflection tool. It scores reported behavior, which is the only thing anyone can actually score.
Three steps, about eight minutes
Answer honestly, about behavior only
Every question is something you either saw, heard, or lived through. No guessing what he was thinking. If you are not sure, leave it unchecked.
Get a score and a level
Your answers add up to a total out of 96 and land in one of four levels: Low, Moderate, High, or Severe. Some behaviors carry more weight than others, and a few carry enough weight on their own to raise the level regardless of the total. Those are the ones about your safety.
See where it concentrates
The full assessment breaks the score down by area, so you can see whether this is one bad category or a pattern spread across all seven. That difference matters more than the number.
Seven areas, 39 behaviors
Honesty & deception
Lies, shifting stories, undisclosed history
Caught in lies about where he was or who he was with
Secrecy & digital behavior
Phones, accounts, absences, separated worlds
Operates accounts, numbers, or profiles you were not supposed to know about
Emotional manipulation
Gaslighting, guilt, highs and lows
Calls you insecure, crazy, or jealous when you ask reasonable questions
Control, intimidation & safety
Monitoring, isolation, punishment, fear
Isolates you from friends or family, subtly or openly
Accountability & conflict response
What happens when you raise anything
Never genuinely apologizes, deflects, minimizes, or counterattacks
Sexual health & intimacy honesty
Risk to your body, not just your feelings
Refuses, deflects, or gets angry about STI testing conversations
Pattern of investment
Where the relationship is actually going
Avoids commitment while keeping you emotionally on the hook
The free check uses 12 of these questions, drawn from all seven areas. The full assessment uses all 39.
Start free. Upgrade only if you want the detail.
Free check
- 12 questions
- Your score and your level
- The safety information, always, at every level
Full assessment
- All 39 questions
- Score broken down by all seven areas
- Which specific behaviors drove your result
- Saved history, so you can retake it later and compare
The free check is not a teaser with the answer removed. It gives you a real result. The full version tells you where the weight is sitting.
Pricing
Two ways to pay, because there are two different situations. One answer now, or a year of tracking a situation you expect to keep watching.
One assessment
$14.99 once
A single full assessment. Not a subscription, and nothing renews. For when you want the answer once and you are done.
If this is ongoing
A year
$59 a year
Unlimited assessments, full breakdowns, and saved history for a year. For when this is not a single question and you expect to look again.
No trial that charges you later. The single assessment never renews. The yearly plan cancels from your account page in one step.
If this is about your safety
If any part of this is about your physical safety, that comes first.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 · thehotline.org
Leaving is the highest risk window. Plan with support, not confrontation.
Questions people ask before they start
- Will this tell me if he is cheating?
- No. Nothing can tell you that from a questionnaire, and anything that claims to is selling you something. What this does is score behavior you have already observed, so you can see whether it forms a pattern and how strong that pattern is.
- Is this real, or is it a personality quiz?
- It is a structured behavioral checklist, not a personality test and not a diagnosis. Every item describes an observable action, weighted by how strongly that action tends to appear alongside deception, control, or risk to your health. The method page shows exactly how the weighting works, including what we deliberately do not claim.
- Is he living a double life?
- That is the question a lot of women arrive with, and it is a fair one to ask. This tool does not answer it, because no tool can see inside someone’s private life, and guessing at a man’s sexuality is not a safety strategy. What it does answer is more useful to you: is his behavior secretive, deceptive, or unsafe, and how much. Secrecy that puts your health at risk is a real problem regardless of what is behind it.
- What if my score is low but something still feels wrong?
- Then something still feels wrong, and this did not measure it. The score reflects the behaviors on the list. It is not a verdict on your relationship or on your judgment.
- Can he see that I took this?
- Nothing is posted, shared, or sent anywhere on your behalf. If you share a link to this site, the preview shows the site, never your answers or your result.
- What do you keep?
- Your answers and your results, so you can look back at them. You can delete an assessment, and your data is never sold.
- Do I need an account for the free check?
- No. Start answering immediately.
- Is this therapy?
- No, and it does not replace it. If you are working with a therapist or an advocate, this can be something concrete to bring to them.
- Can I cancel?
- Yes. The yearly plan cancels from your account page in one step. The single assessment is not a subscription, so there is nothing to cancel and nothing that renews.
You already know what you have seen.
12 questions. About eight minutes. Nobody sees it but you.